I am a writer. I am not a fledging writer or a budding writer, I am a writer. Most of my works have indeed been published in various places, but I have written three novels and one novella, though they have yet to be published. What few people know is that in between those books, I had almost completely given up on writing. 

My first novella is essentially a good old-fashioned mystery with supernatural undertones. I wrote the story when I was sixteen and it really challenged my creativity. The first two drafts of it are horrendous, in fact, the third draft is almost an entirely different story with only a few themes copied.  I could not believe I had actually finished it. I was ecstatic. 

I immediately set about trying to find a publisher. Not knowing what to do, I sent out my manuscripts blindly. All of them came back with rejections, but one nice person added a note on my manuscript saying that I needed to find an agent and even recommended someone. I contacted that agent immediately.

He appeared to be a nice gentleman and we talked often on the phone. I mowed lawns to get the money to pay his fee. Someone from a smaller publisher sent me a letter saying that they were considering publishing my manuscript as a teen novel (that was pre-young adult). I contacted my agent asking if this publisher was legit and after getting confirmation, he went about negotiating for me. Somewhere around this time, he informed me he was leaving the agency he was working with to become independent. I had no problem with this as it made no difference as long as my novella moved forward. 

Sometime after this, the agent dropped me. The only explanation I got from this man was that I was too much of a risk since I was so young. After only three days, he lost my number and email address. I tried to establish a rapport with the publisher myself, but the publisher refused to work with an “unsolicited manuscript” though they contacted me. 

My world was crushed. That was when my writer's doubt set in. During the negotiations of the mystery, I had begun work on a supernatural thriller. Though I finished it, I could not get into writing anymore. I lost all of my motivation to write and the doubt sank into my mind. 

I kept a journal where I wrote poems, but these were all nothing compared to the writings I had been planning. I sailed along in my doubt. I do not mean to sound melodramatic, but I was a teenager and I think my age combined with this rejection impacted my creativity even more.  I did not write a single story outline or idea down for four years. 

While I was going to school in Northern California, I studied Creative Arts, and my teacher, whom I later interned for, saw my talent for writing when I helped write a short play for the drama team. She encouraged me and told me to pursue my writing once again for my creative project. I decided to take what she said to heart and I began a second draft of my supernatural thriller. 

I will be honest, I had to force myself to do this. Four years of doubt really challenges your creative juices, but remembering my teacher’s encouragement, I powered through.  

As I was writing and editing this draft, I could feel my creativity come out. I went through the whole manuscript from beginning to end. I edited it down and then built it back up. 

I literally finished it the day before it was due. I had to borrow my roommate’s printer and pay him back for the paper and ink. As I presented it as my creative arts project, I felt this release. This was something I had accomplished. I had overcome four years of writer's doubt and had done this. My creativity felt restored. 

Though I have yet to be published, I am confident and proud that I am a writer. If you are suffering from writer's doubt, find someone to encourage you. Take it, no matter how small,l and use it to power through so you can accomplish it. 

It is amazing to me how many people expect artisans and writers to work for free. It stuns me to the core at times. Because of the flooding market for artwork and writing, thanks to various online avenues, some folks just assume that if they query an artist or a writer they will work for free because it will help with their “exposure.”

Telling a writer or an artist to work for free because they will get “exposure” is no different than blackmail. Yes, I did just say that out loud. I would say it again.

I am a writer and I publish my articles on my blog because I do love writing and I gladly write for free, for myself on my blog. That last part does not often sit well with people.

My wife is a truly amazing and gifted artist. She paints with an eye like I have never seen. She would be approached by people wanting to buy her art. My wife would tell them the price, but the person would insist that she lower the price. At first, my wife would because she wanted her artwork to be known, but she discovered, that the more she did it, the more people would ask for it cheap. One time, a person took a painting promising to pay, but she never did. Recently, she told me she would never lower the price of her art again. I applaud her desire to see her art sell for the price that she sets.

Likewise, as a freelance writer, I often search for opportunities to write for a publication, whether online or otherwise. However, I came across one website that proclaimed it would not pay you for the first three months, but if it liked your articles enough, it would start paying you. At first, I sucked in my gut and prepared to send them something, but then, I thought, “Wait, how do I know they’ll hire me? How do I know if my articles are well received?”

I realized they could potentially get three months of free labor out of me and then cut ties with me whether my articles were well received or not.

Would a marketer go to work for a company that said they expected him or her to work for free? What about a chef at a restaurant? Of course not. Every writer and artisan deserves to get paid for their work, especially if it is read or viewed in a way that moves the purchaser.

No longer can a writer or artist be forced to work for free under the guise of “exposure.” We must recognize who is a good writer or artisan and give them their due.

What are you passionate about? Are you passionate about your hobbies? Your career? Or is it something else? Whatever it is, passion should be a part of the equation, something that makes you feel alive.

I have worked for and followed leaders who were not passionate about their work. When an employer lacks passion in a department, it pulls everyone down. How do you expect your employees to be passionate about their jobs when you are not?

Some people mistake satisfaction with passion. They go to the same job and do the same routine. It is comfortable and familiar. The truth is, when you are passionate about something, you will go after it even when it is uncomfortable.

I am not suggesting you risk your life’s stability. Far from it, but I am suggesting you pursue something in your life that makes you feel alive.

I have told this to others who have stated that I have unrealistic expectations of my life. Life is tough and all you can do is work. I have been told that wanting to live passionately is naive and that no one can do what makes you feel alive. You should jump on the bandwagon like everyone else and hope that you make it. Put your gear in neutral and coast, that is all you can expect to do.

I do agree that life is tough and that you have to work toward your goals. I will even concede that you do have to work hard. Hard work builds character and there is nothing wrong with that. I am a big believer in working hard. I know that no one owes me anything, nor am I entitled to anything.

With all that being said, I want my hard work to pay off. I want it to take me to a place where I can do what I am passionate about. I want to be a leader, hero, and author, that everyone can say, “He lived for his passion.”

I have been in a job (one I was good at) and never felt passionate about it. I would come home and just sit. My lovely wife would ask what was wrong and would I say, “Work is fine, but that’s it. It’s just fine.” I worked hard at that job, earning revenue, and got a pink slip for my efforts.

After that, I determined that even if my job did not satisfy that passionate part of me, I would find a way to fulfill it. I find it in writing. It might be something different for you.
I encourage you, to find a job, a hobby, an activity, or anything that can make you feel passionate about your life. Do not just coast, do not be fine, live with some risk, and be passionate.